A Welcome Message

Doc left a message for new recruits

Doc Gibbons My friends! The day @everyone has been working so diligently towards is finally here. Employee Onboarding! We will officially kick off in about an hour, but for now please take a couple of minutes to listen to our official welcome message, recorded what feels like a lifetime ago by a much younger and idealistic version of me:

Audio Transcript Host On behalf of all staff, employees and associated contractors at Applied Primate Engineering, welcome. As a leader in primate protection and prosperity it is our privilege to have you join us. Please stand by for words of welcome from our founder, Dr.Abbott Gibbons. We ask you to remain present upon conclusion of the doctor's remarks when you will be provided further instructions from the Department of Hominid Resources.

Doc Gibbons Greetings and salutations. My name is Dr. Abbott Gibbons, founder and head researcher of Applied Primate Engineering. It gives me great pleasure to welcome you as the newest employee of our esteemed lab. You are no doubt familiar with Applied Primate and our work concerning the mutations of the primate species. And you're joining us at a most critical time.

Not too long ago, our scientists discovered a third serum that can genetically alter ape kind. A serum of mega proportions. This event was only the beginning. There is so much to understand and so much to unlock about the mysteries of mega mutation. Why, just recently, our team discovered that while the serum requires primate RNA for activation, it also appears to have an effect on robotics and mechanics under certain conditions.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you the implications here are staggering. But I'm getting ahead of myself. It is time for you to commence your induction into the lab. You're eager to get right to work. But first, there are a few hominid resources formalities we must attend to. All incoming employees are required to complete some HR paperwork before officially joining the team. All standard onboarding procedure, I assure you. And then, to work for all ape kind. Thank you and good luck.

Host The remarks are now complete, this concludes the presentation. Please access the next recording for more information.

Doc Gibbons I'll see you around the lab.

Host Bye bye, now. Goodbye.

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